A place where we can talk on some important issues that women face as they try to get to that "simple" and "beautiful" part of being a woman. I'll be writing Sunday evenings, beginning in January. Hope to talk with you then.
Returned from San Diego after visiting my wonderful family out there.
Here is Andrew, my brother, with his brother-in-law, Ed enjoying Sea World!
I returned to the "AKRON STORM" and to the news that one of the top stars from GLEE, Cory Monteith, died alone in his hotel room at such a young age on Saturday. Many, many are mourning him. He was amazingly talented, but had a very troubled upbringing, including 16 schools in 16 years. He became an ADDICT at age 12. He has been "free of his addictions" and only recently his "demons seem to have come back" and he had another rehab stint. At the time of his death, he was healthy, happy and getting ready for an expected great new season.
Addiction at age 12. What must it have been like for Cory? What pain was he hiding, covering up, escaping from? What is it like for any of our children that are experimenting with addictive drugs or other behaviors... or us as adults? Is there a way we can help? Is there a way to find help?
Next week we will be finishing our mother's precious story, and a possible live interview with her the following week.
In subsequent newsletters in this series, we'll be telling you about some places that you can go for help, or to help others get help with addictions, as well as other "testimonies".
Remember, what you have to share might be very influencial to others.
My neighbor has invited me to attend a meeting at a local church that helps young and old alike with addictions of many kinds. If any of you would like to go, contact me and I will see if you can be invited as well.
The Young Wife and Mother's Story continues below.
Until Next week,
The Continuing Story of a
Young Wife and Mother,
Written for the First Time, Especially for You.
"My lifestyle quickly caught up with me, and I soon found myself in my first 28-day treatment program. I was skeptical of how much I really needed it (those programs were for the Real alcoholics, not me). But I did leave with a bit of a renewed spiritual sense that I needed a Higher Power to help make sense of my life. I was warned not to take on too much "stuff" during my first year of recovery, that people new to the program shouldn't even get house plants. But that seemed too much like a rule,
and I knew it didn't apply to ME.
During pregnancy, my obsession with alcohol was lifted, at least for a while. I thought all I needed was to be pregnant, to have a family. As a result, I didn't work the program and for a while, all was good. During my last trimester, my cravings returned. I wanted a drink. I thought of calling my obstetrician to see if she could move up the date of my scheduled cesarean, so I could drink.
The worldwind of my life and the lack of a real commitment to recovery soon overwhelmed me again.
With my newfound domestic lifestyle, new resentments formed daily. In an effort to deny my obsession to drink, I began to project my feelings of self-hate toward others. I resented those mothers who could drive their kids around sober without having to hide vodka in a kid's sippy- cup.
I resented wives who did not have to tape flasks to their legs to enjoy a simple date night with their husbands. I resented the families who could enjoy one another without using their children as props in this everyday play that I felt I was starring in. I resented the faithful and holy ones who seemed to have such a wonderful relationship with God. All of that resentment turned to hate --I hated myself for all the things I wasn't. The wife I couldn't be, the child of God who couldn't emancipate herself from the grip of alcoholism, the mother who drove her children while in a blackout time after time.
Till next week.... with the final segment from this young mother ...
1. Do you find yourself hiding your addiction from your loved one? Maybe not in a but in other ways?
Do resentments build against someone else for intruding upon your privacy or challenging you in your addiction?
You might be experiencing the same type of resentments that this mother has gone through, even if the addiction isn't yours.
Some of us have lived with alcoholics and it still has lasting impressions on our life and how we relate to others.
Some of us might have been hurt by a family member or friend using pornography, or being addicted to eating, and still we can't get over the deception and lying to us while they were trying to hide their addictions.
We might be holding resentments due to an obsessive compulsive disorder; or just because of some other hurts in our life. ...or maybe you are dealing with the bitterness of someone who is in the midst of an addiction.
Review the series on bitterness and work toward your freedom that comes through a personal connection with God and an ability to move forward in courage through prayer and reflection and friends... or possibly through a 12 step program or professional counseling.
Getting help is a good thing! You will be on your way to freedom, despite what anyone has ever done to you, or you have done to them!
I'm writing from beautiful San Diego. My younger brother with special needs will be spending two weeks with his sister's family in sunny California. I helped make sure that he arrived there safely. What a treat for me!
On the way to our airplane on Friday, I stopped to buy some mints, and low and behold in Massive size print was a magazine cover that was announcing "Matthew Perry (star from Friends)
My Life as an Addict".
Perry says his writing about his story is to get the word out to help people that are suffering.
" You have to want the help.
You have to be willing to change."
A few years ago he spoke at a 4,000 person drug-court convention. At the convention a young boy took the stage. He had written a statement, but was crying so hard he couldn't get it out. The one thing he managed to say was, "Thank you, everybody, for giving my mom back to me."
Often our addictions affect those people closest to us. We don't "see it" because most of the time we think that we are hiding it well enough. Like this young boy, the addiction of his mother was not a secret from him. It was a great heartache. He "knew the difference" between her being well and not well... and he liked "well" a whole lot better!
Substance addiction. "Physiological dependence occurs when the body has to adjust to the substance by incorporating the substance into its "normal" functioning.
This young wife and mother is a regular reader of the "Simply and Beautifully Woman" newsletter.
"I was 14 years old, living alone away from home and scared to death.
It was during that time that I perfected the life skills I needed to cope, to survive, to protect myself. But my isolation and fear made me continually feel to be apart from everything, instead of being a part of anything. I began to lie when the truth would suffice. I cheated when I knew the answers. I began to manipulate any way that I could and took shortcuts wherever possible. I was actively forming my negative self-image, and even the one bright spot in my life couldn't shine enough light to brighten it.
As a youth I was a nationally ranked tennis player. But winning didn't boost my self-confidence. Instead, a sense of entitlement and ego barged their way into my everyday life.
I began to live and act as if rules didn't apply to me. I lived for instant short-term gratification, not caring who I hurt or what I had to do to get it. I felt a void, and I wanted to fill it with anything that felt good: alcohol, destructive relationships, gambling, overspending, drugs, whatever it took. Alcohol became my God. It continued to fuel my resentments toward people and God after I lost my scholarship and was kicked off my tennis team for alcohol. My life was a seemingly hopeless state of mind, body and spirit and faith was elusive.
After graduation, I began a career as a flight attendant. For an alcoholic, it was perfect!
Traveling to far-off cities with strangers meant I could drink how I wanted, when I wanted and with whom I wanted.
What it turned into was drinking warm mini-bottles of vodka while hiding in a dark hotel room.
But deep down, I knew I couldn't hide from God.
All the while I felt He was there,
waiting for me to ask Him for grace and guidance -
waiting for me to stop living in fear of what lay ahead.
And boy did He ever have plans for what lay ahead!
To be continued next Sunday.
Are you living with someone who "thinks" he/she is hiding their addiction? Hiding from God? Are you getting the help you need.... like that little boy who was crying so hard?
Matthew Perry was making $1,000,000 each episode on Friends. Why in the world would he drink when he has "everything" ?
Addictions affect ALL walks of life in many degrees. Lawyers, homeless, stars, teachers, priests, mothers, daughters, and fathers. It's a disease that tries to convince us we 'don't have a problem' Remember that Step one in getting on the road to recovery is Admitting that you are powerless over your addiction and that your life has become a bit unmanageable because of it.........,.